Message of the Day for Mar 20, 2006

The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could
never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
- Abraham Lincoln

Message of the Day for Mar 18, 2006

Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?

Message of the Day for Mar 19, 2006

Climate and Surgery
R C Gilchrist, who was shot by J Sharp twelve days ago, and who
received a derringer ball in the right breast, and who it was supposed at
the time could not live many hours, was on the street yesterday and the
day before -- walking several blocks at a time. To those who design to be
riddled with bullets or cut to pieces with Bowie-knives, we cordially
recommend our Sacramento climate and Sacramento surgery.
-- Sacramento Daily Union, September 11, 1861

Message of the Day for Mar 17, 2006

Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!

Message of the Day for Mar 16, 2006

Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves
possess.
-- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"]

Message of the Day for Mar 15, 2006

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth
have both failed.
-- Kim Hubbard

Message of the Day for Mar 14, 2006

When someone makes a move We'll send them all we've got,
Of which we don't approve, John Wayne and Randolph Scott,
Who is it that always intervenes? Remember those exciting fighting scenes?
U.N. and O.A.S., To the shores of Tripoli,
They have their place, I guess, But not to Mississippoli,
But first, send the Marines! What do we do? We send the Marines!

For might makes right, Members of the corps
And till they've seen the light, All hate the thought of war:
They've got to be protected, They'd rather kill them off by
peaceful means.
All their rights respected, Stop calling it aggression--
Till somebody we like can be elected. We hate that expression!
We only want the world to know
That we support the status quo;
They love us everywhere we go,
So when in doubt, send the Marines!
-- Tom Lehrer, "Send The Marines"

Message of the Day for Mar 13, 2006

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
-- Mark Twain

Message of the Day for Mar 12, 2006

Often things ARE as bad as they seem!

Message of the Day for Mar 11, 2006

A mathematician, a doctor, and an engineer are walking on the beach and
observe a team of lifeguards pumping the stomach of a drowned woman. As
they watch, water, sand, snails and such come out of the pump.
The doctor watches for a while and says: "Keep pumping, men, you may
yet save her!!"
The mathematician does some calculations and says: "According to my
understanding of the size of that pump, you have already pumped more water
from her body than could be contained in a cylinder 4 feet in diameter and
6 feet high."
The engineer says: "I think she's sitting in a puddle."

Message of the Day for Mar 10, 2006

"I assure you the thought never even crossed my mind, lord."
"Indeed? Then if I were you I'd sue my face for slander."
-- Terry Pratchett, "The Colour of Magic"

Message of the Day for Mar 9, 2006

phosflink:
To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if, somehow, that
will bring it back to life).
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends

Message of the Day for Mar 8, 2006

"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."
-- Dr. Joy

Message of the Day for Mar 7, 2006

"I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to say tuned."

Message of the Day for Mar 6, 2006

Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person --
they will find an easier way to do it.

Message of the Day for Mar 5, 2006

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
-- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"

Message of the Day for Mar 4, 2006

He's dead, Jim.
-- McCoy, "The Devil in the Dark", stardate 3196.1

Message of the Day for Mar 3, 2006

Consultation, n.:
Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."

Message of the Day for Mar 2, 2006

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it
is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.
-- Joseph C. Goulden